Hillary Clinton announces candidacy, scandals resurface

Surprise! Hillary Clinton finally announced yesterday that she would be running as a democratic candidate in the 2016 presidential election. This “breaking news” pins her up against Republican candidates Ted Cruz and Rand Paul, but perhaps her biggest political opponent is herself.

I can completely understand why feminists would like a woman in the White House. At my old job, I discovered that I was making $1.50 less than a male coworker who worked the same hours doing the same job. She’s a woman, so she might fight to give women like me equal opportunities… But if Clinton is our only option, I would much prefer a president with XY chromosomes.

As a graduate of Wellesley College and Yale Law School, Clinton is definitely a nerd, which makes it my job to reveal her indiscretions. Unfortunately, there isn’t quite enough space to name them all, so these top three will have to do:

1. The Clinton Foundation

Since 2001, the Clinton Foundation has became a major liability to the Clintons. A majority of the foundation’s funding comes from longtime backers; in some instances, foreign governments have donated hefty sums conveniently before Hillary Clinton had to take policy stances on that very government as secretary of state.

The spending of the foundation’s money has also stirred controversy. Ira Magaziner, a leader in the organization, spent thousands of dollars to send a team around the world to build up a climate-change proposal, but it fell flat.

Hillary Clinton is the fourth woman to run for president. photo credit: Clinton Rally 74 via photopin (license)

Hillary Clinton is the fourth woman to run for president.
photo credit: Clinton Rally 74 via photopin (license)

2. Benghazi

As U.S. secretary of state, Hillary Clinton’s reputation was marred by the Sept. 11, 2012, attack on the American diplomatic compound in Benghazi, Libya. Claims of incompetence on the part of the Obama administration and Clinton’s State Department questioned their ability to protect the country’s interests abroad.

At first, the government insisted the attack was spontaneous. Once it became evident that it was the result of a coordinated terrorist action, pundits alleged a cover-up was in play. While these allegations remain unproven, Clinton ultimately took responsibility for the security failures in Benghazi.

3. Her private email account

Last month, it was discovered that Clinton created a private email account for official business during her tenure at the State Department. This use could violate federal requirements centered on the status of those emails as public records. While she hasn’t been charged with a crime, critics still argue her guilt.

As a federal employee, Clinton had the right to delete any emails she deemed “personal.” After receiving a State Department request for her emails last October, Clinton deleted 30,000 and handed over another 30,000 as public records. Then she wiped her personal server, permanently deleting those 30,000 emails she decided to keep off the public record.

Lola Liebers leads life of lies

Lola Liebers is a straight-A student at Communications High School in Wall, NJ, who aspires to attend Harvard University. As a student myself, we connected when we talked about our worries for college. I was afraid that I would be able to get into my dream schools, but I wouldn’t be able to pay for them.

Tuition prices are simply outrageous – I divulged that I was nervous about the cost, but she did not share my feelings. That was when I discovered she was hiding something. She has kept her life as a millionaire a secret… until now. 


GG: Tell me a little about yourself.

LL: So, I’m actually a millionaire. It’s kind of crazy. In my normal day, I’m a normal 16-year-old kid. I go to school, I have friends and everything. It’s kind of like a Hannah Montana situation. But in my spare time, I’m actually a millionaire. You see, when the Huffington Post was starting up, I got a share of that because – I don’t know – my dad knew somebody, and he invested in it for me. I don’t know, it was weird. Anyway, one of the founders of the Huffington Post, Jonah Peretti, also created BuzzFeed a little while later. When he started that I was – what? ten? – I got a little share of that, too. And now BuzzFeed and the Huffington Post are exploding. I am actually a multi-millionaire, and you wouldn’t know it, but my bank account shows it.

Lola said she plans to pursue a major in journalism while at college. Photo courtesy of Lola Liebers.

Lola said she plans to pursue a double major in journalism and law while at college.
Photo courtesy of Lola Liebers

GG: And how do you like to spend your money?

LL: See, the problem with having a double life is that when I am in school, I can’t tell anybody what I am so I can’t show it. It’s the problem with being a millionaire, because you want to show that you’re a millionaire, but you can’t! Especially if you’re leading a double life. So right now, I haven’t spent any of it. But then once I graduate from school – well, first of all, college is paid for – I won’t need to do anything. I think I can get into an Ivy, I don’t know. I’m just saying. Anyways, after that, I’ll just have a bunch of millions and people will be like, ‘what happened to that girl, Lola Liebers?’ And they’ll be like, ‘she’s a millionaire now!’ but I always have been.

GG: Do any of your friends know you’re a millionaire?

LL: Well, now you do, I guess! You’re the only person who knows right now besides my family. Crazy.

GG: What is the thing you’ve spent the most money on?

LL: One day I made a super expensive Starbucks run. It was like $300. I just got, like, a bunch of coffee and that’s it. I mean, my dad’s a millionaire, too, so he’s pretty much paid for iPads, computers and that kind of stuff… Maybe I’ll buy myself a car next month when I turn 17. I don’t know. Maybe.

GG: Do you think you’ll be giving any of your money to charity?

LL: Uh, no. It’s my money. I made it myself. Why would I give to anyone else?

GG: Oh okay, thank you so much, Lola. This was certainly…um… enlightening.